Women, Love Is Not a Checkbox: Redefining Compatibility on Indian Matrimonial Apps

The world of matrimonial websites in India has transformed how couples meet. While it offers convenience and wider choices, navigating these profiles can be tricky. Unrealistic expectations from potential matches on matrimonial websites can vary widely among Indian women, influenced by cultural, societal, and personal factors. While not all Indian women may hold unrealistic expectations, some common ones include:

Appearance and financial success

Overemphasis on physical attributes: There may be an expectation for potential matches to have a certain physical appearance or meet specific beauty standards, which can be unrealistic and superficial.

High Socio-Economic Status: Some women may expect potential matches to belong to a certain socio-economic stratum or have a prestigious job title, placing undue importance on material wealth and social status. Financial stability is important, but expectations might be out of sync with reality, causing disappointment.

Expectation of a "settled" life: The desire for a man who already owns a home, car, or has a certain position in their career might be unrealistic, especially for younger men.

Personality and lifestyle expectations

Perfect Personality: There may be an expectation for potential matches to possess a flawless personality, with qualities such as kindness, intelligence, humor, and charm, without considering the complexities and nuances of human nature.

Compatibility in Every Aspect: Some women may expect potential matches to be compatible with them in every aspect of life, including interests, values, beliefs, and lifestyle choices, which can be unrealistic given the diversity of human experiences and perspectives.

Changes after marriage: The expectation that a person will not change after marriage is unrealistic. All human beings change with time & the situations they are in. Your boyfriend giving you roses every time he meets may not do the same when he has turned into your husband. Likewise certain traits of men are hard-wired into their lifestyle, for example, the belief that a man will take on more household chores or change his habits after marriage may be rational but can be unreasonable sometimes.

Unconditional Acceptance: Some women may expect potential matches to unconditionally accept them without any flaws or imperfections, failing to recognise that relationships require compromise, understanding, and acceptance of each other's differences.

Fulfilment of Romantic Fantasies: Romantic movies and novels often perpetuate the notion of sweeping gestures and fairy-tale endings. While it's natural to have romantic fantasies, expecting a partner to fulfil these fantasies in real life can set unrealistic standards and lead to disappointment when reality doesn't measure up.

Societal and familial expectations

Seeking Independence: Social matrimonial websites have witnessed a growing trend: women seeking nuclear family setups after marriage. This means living independently, ideally in a separate home, with minimal involvement from in-laws. There's no right or wrong answer here, but clear communication is key. Women prioritising this arrangement should express it openly during initial conversations and make sure their potential partners are comfortable with such a setup.

Picture-Perfect Family Background: There's often an expectation for potential matches to come from an ideal family background, free from any financial or social difficulties. However, every family has its own unique dynamics and challenges, and expecting perfection in this regard may lead to overlooking the qualities and values that truly matter in a partner.

Finding someone who aligns with traditional gender roles: This could be subjective but the expectation of a man who takes charge of finances and a woman who prioritises household duties might be outdated. It mostly depends on the current state of things both partners are in. For example, a boy living in a Tier 3 city managing his father's business may have certain expectations from his future wife to take certain household responsibilities. On the other hand, a working woman living a Tier 1 city marrying a working man may have certain expectations from his husband regarding household chores. Therefore, it is always a good idea to set expectations and talk out these things before marriage.

Fulfilling family expectations: Pressure to marry someone approved by the family can lead to overlooking a good match who might not tick all their boxes.

Fulfilment of Romantic Fantasies: Romantic movies and novels often perpetuate the notion of sweeping gestures and fairy-tale endings. While it's natural to have romantic fantasies, expecting a partner to fulfil these fantasies in real life can set unrealistic standards and lead to disappointment when reality doesn't measure up.

Navigating Unrealistic Expectations

So, how can Indian women navigate these unrealistic expectations and find genuine connections on matrimonial websites?

Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own values, priorities, and relationship goals. What qualities are truly important to you in a partner, and which ones are simply superficial?

Open Communication: Be open and honest in your interactions with potential matches. Take enough time to talk to your counterpart before taking the biggest decision of your life. It may vary from person to person, but in general a minimum threshold should be around a couple of weeks. Clearly communicate your expectations, boundaries, and deal-breakers from the outset to avoid misunderstandings later on. Women have to realise that Indian men, in general have very lower emotional awareness than women and struggle to communicate how they feel.

Flexibility: Stay open-minded and flexible in your search for a partner. Remember that no one is perfect, and genuine connections often develop when you least expect them.

Manage Expectations: Keep your expectations realistic and grounded in reality. Understand that relationships require effort, compromise, and mutual respect from both partners.

Trust Your Instincts: Ultimately, trust your instincts and intuition when it comes to choosing a partner. Pay attention to how you feel around them and whether your values and goals align.

In conclusion, while it's natural to have certain expectations when searching for a partner, it's important to approach the process with a sense of realism and self-awareness. By navigating unrealistic expectations with empathy, understanding, and an open heart, partners can find genuine connections that bring fulfilment and happiness in their lives.